INSURANCE     Dear Mr. Yeksen, This is a courtesy message from American International of     California. America’s top-rated insurance carrier created this message     especially for you. Our intention is to lower your rate. We could have raised it, but we didn’t. Mr. Yeksen, you need insurance for you have so much to fear. There is so much to be afraid of! Look at this list! There’s A, and B, and C. Yes, there’s so much to fear but don’t worry, our form is self-explanatory and we already filled in the difficult bits for you. Do you have big household expenses coming up? Wouldn’t you like an extra hundred dollars? What idiot would say no to one hundred bucks? I can think of one. He cut you off on Lakeshore Drive while you were cycling, and he flipped you the bird too. We are the highest-rated property and casualty insurance carrier     in the country, And we want your business now, because that fucker could have flattened your ass and sent you up shit creek. We can’t blame you for demanding a higher level of service and     security. If you’re hesitating, just look at this photo. Gruesome, isn’t it? Bet you didn’t think we knew about your sister in Bethesda. Here’s what she’d look like after Accident Example Five from     our Miscellaneous Poisonings chart. We knocked it out in Photoshop. Would any of our nationally-known competitors have gone so     far to earn your business? Fear, Mr. Yeksen. Feel it. The terrorists are coming and they’ve got free cable. You can call us any time, 24-7. We feel the weight of your eyes Every time someone dies.