MUSIC: Pink Floyd "One of These Days" from MEDDLE

                      NARRATOR
          Cop Shame! Real-life stories
          from your police force.

INT. DAY - STUDIO SET

Cut to a policeman, alone before a generic TV studio backdrop. Caption: OFFICER FRANK SIDCUP

                      OFFICER SIDCUP
          I...I never learned to drive.
          So when it's time for me to
          go out on the beat, I...I
          have to take Mom.

EXT. DAY - A CAR ON THE ROAD

Cut to Officer Sidcup and his MOTHER in the squad car. Mother is driving.

                      OFFICER SIDCUP
          Left, Ma.

                      MOTHER
          Not now, honey.

                      OFFICER SIDCUP
          Ma, the perpetrator just
          turned left on Alessandro,
          would you -

                      MOTHER
          In a minute, honey. I have to
          go to the Ralphs.

                      OFFICER SIDCUP
          Ma, he's getting away!

                      MOTHER
          I just need some chives!
          Won't take a second. Plus the
          potatoes, those little red
          ones.

MUSIC: Repeats.

END.